Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
