dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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