shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
should my penis look like a turkey
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
