apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
