he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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