I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
