who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
