if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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