Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
