I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
