I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
