her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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