Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize