sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize