I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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