i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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