I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How external is "for external use only"?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
