It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
