Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
