we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
