I'm laying in your front yard are you home
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
