Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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