I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
