Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
