i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Randomize
