im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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