im six kinds of drunk right now
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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