why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
