ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
