Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Panties = found
Randomize
