I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
