My friends, they love my intelligence
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
