She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
