I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
