i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
