I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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