there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
