The maid of honor just puked.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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