Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
