Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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