There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize