yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
