Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize