just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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