In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
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