I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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