Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
