people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
