Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
