You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
