Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I supernannyed him into submission
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
