I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
