just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize