this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm passing your future prison.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
