They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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