He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
