I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
