she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
