Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
