Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
