Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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