so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
is that a dick in a sweater?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
