She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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