So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's the barista slut.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
