Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Watching her eat just hurts me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
