Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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