I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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