ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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