Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
