Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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