Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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