then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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