apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
