No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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