Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize