Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
